I played football every year that I could. Starting in 6th grade, I padded up each year 'til my last game as a senior for Juab High School. I played both wide-receiver and defensive-back. I learned a lot but I didn't learn it all at once. In fact, I learned the majority of it all following graduation and into my LDS mission and to this day I continue to find value in those experiences both bad and good. Trust me, there were a many of both.
I've had my own ups and downs with people that I thought would be there for the long haul. Ranging from friends to girlfriends to almost girlfriends and snowmobiles. I've seen the, once, constants in my life fade to something so small that they became completely negligible in my life's equation.
I have seen quite a number of people on Facebook recently posting about their trust issues; "I hate when people change" "Just goes to show you can't trust anyone not even your best friend" "<Insert meme about resorting to some cliché feel good whatnot like a cat or pizza>" Yeah, I've had my times where I've said similar things out of disappointment but after seeing loads and loads of this stuff, I swore it all off.
There is a song by one of my all-time favorite bands, As I Lay Dying, "The Only Constant is Change." The title says it all. In this life there is so much adversity and unpredictability, something I now see as a blessing no matter how difficult it may be at the time for me. Change is the only thing you can count on in this life. Look around. All you see is change; the seasons, the trends, the phases of life, the knowledge people possess and so much more. Some change we find to be in our favor, other change... well, you know what that feels like to you. It can be uncomfortable. It can hurt. It can tear us apart from the inside-out. It can even break you, if you let it.
I think our natural instinct to discomfort is to turn our back on whatever it is we associate that with. The most common is dating. How many times I've seen a girl post about how she's "single for life" because "<stereotypical guy trait broad-brushed to label us all>".... I couldn't even count. The kicker is that I'll see that same girl not even 2 weeks later posting pictures with some guy and "He's the best" and "<blah blah blah>". And then the cycle repeats and she's pissed and starts posting memes about becoming a crazy cat lady. It seems like she's either head-over-heels or bass-ackward from being dumped or betrayed.
While I was playing for Juab, I remember our coach teaching our linemen the proper stance and showing them the consequences of doing it incorrectly. He had one lineman get in his 3-point stance (2 feet + 1 hand = 3 points of contact). He would then squat down in front of him, judge his balance and swipe his arm and the lineman would fall over. So he got back up, coach asked him if he was ready, the lineman replied that he was. This time, coach shoved his shoulders back and he fell over backwards. Coach then explained the danger of both of these positions: On a run, you want to push forward down-field and your body wants to be set to spring forward like a sprinter in a race. On a pass, the lineman can't go down-field so they have to stand and your body wants to shift the weight back to stand up quickly. Coach, then, got a more experienced lineman and asked him to demonstrate. The lineman got down and gently set his hand down. Coach swiped, didn't move. Coach shoved, he pushed back. He was perfectly centered and was ready for run block or pass block and the defender couldn't tell which one he was going to execute until the ball was snapped.
The parallels here are phenomenal. How often do we get that arm taken out from under us just as we're about to dive into something head-first and land flat on our face? The next time around, usually being fairly pissed off about the last outcome, we think we compensate adequately (we really over-compensate) and lean back ready to laugh when the defender goes to swipe your arm. He pushes you and you land on your butt as he takes your quarterback's head off. A smart defender, which in this case is really on the offense attacking while you defend the QB or the runner, can read your body and you will, 9 times out of 10, fall by your weakness.
That defensive lineman is life. You can either control it by reacting to what it does while you execute your objectives or you'll be on your back or face-down looking at the grass. People are going to change simply because other people change because other people change because other people changed, as well. The causes of change are, well, they're kind of a black box experiment; we don't know why clear liquid comes out when red liquid goes in, it just does and we can't predict change very well. So that liquid may be red today, and green tomorrow. For the most part, that box is impenetrable. All we can do is balance ourselves the best we can. Diving into relationships and finding your identity in someone else while dating, is dangerous; one swipe and you're face-down again. Turning cold and backing away will land you on your back with one shove at the shoulder. I wish we could all see that it's not others that cause this excessive pain or bitterness; it's ourselves. Losing someone that means the world to you is painful and will almost always require some time to pick up the pieces. But bitterness and torment depends on us. You may have been dating someone for a year but you're still you, and if properly balanced, you'll find a way to adapt: Whether the QB audibles for a run or a pass, you won't have to shift your weight, you'll just be ready for either one. So if she's gonna dump you, it's gonna be tough, but you can stand in one place and hold your ground. But if she's gonna commit and you are, as well, then you're ready to plunge forward with harnessed and directed power and control. It's like a damping constant in a bouncing spring equation, it's gonna bounce but if you can find that balance to allow for enough movement but not completely stop, then you'll be set. This allows for ups and downs that are not so dramatic i.e. "He's the best guy ever!" to "I'm buying a million cats. I hate guys." It's always a game of adjustments. The aforementioned song says "there is nothing to embrace change." I disagree... to an extent. While there is no antidote for change, there does exist humility and willingness to change and adapt; an amazingly powerfull skill humans have but do not realize ("Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl gives a powerful account of human adaptation to change).
So how about, instead of being pissed at people that change and let us down while we play the "I'll never trust again" card, we just hope for the best in everyone and realize that people change and that we don't know their circumstances, either. We can be mad at a friend who let us down or a significant other who betrayed us, but those are individual, personal cases, and we can't claim to know their circumstances, no matter how well we know them personally. Maybe they've got anxiety. Maybe something happened that they just have to deal with on their own leaving you to feel like you've been abandoned. Maybe they just don't have the loyalty to stick around. Either way you look at it, just let it be; they've got their own life to deal with. Be willing to get to know other people. That doesn't mean you have to be naive and get taken by others. It simply means that you can stand on your own. You have an identity with or without those people. Constantly working on that perfect stance will not only decrease your own vulnerability, but it will strengthen you to help others, as well, as they face changes in their own life.
"There is only growth or decay." We can jump to the extreme and shelter ourselves only to let opportunities pass us by after a failed lunge forward, or we can be humble, hope for the best in everyone and find meaning in tragedy and disappointment. We all have the ability to stand on our own. When we find that balance of humility and determination, we will be more ready to face the challenges and changes that lie ahead in our lives as well as being ready to seize those opportunities that come our way. No matter what life throws at you, who walks out on you, or what tragedy you have to overcome, there is always a way rise above and adapt. Always.
I think our natural instinct to discomfort is to turn our back on whatever it is we associate that with. The most common is dating. How many times I've seen a girl post about how she's "single for life" because "<stereotypical guy trait broad-brushed to label us all>".... I couldn't even count. The kicker is that I'll see that same girl not even 2 weeks later posting pictures with some guy and "He's the best" and "<blah blah blah>". And then the cycle repeats and she's pissed and starts posting memes about becoming a crazy cat lady. It seems like she's either head-over-heels or bass-ackward from being dumped or betrayed.
While I was playing for Juab, I remember our coach teaching our linemen the proper stance and showing them the consequences of doing it incorrectly. He had one lineman get in his 3-point stance (2 feet + 1 hand = 3 points of contact). He would then squat down in front of him, judge his balance and swipe his arm and the lineman would fall over. So he got back up, coach asked him if he was ready, the lineman replied that he was. This time, coach shoved his shoulders back and he fell over backwards. Coach then explained the danger of both of these positions: On a run, you want to push forward down-field and your body wants to be set to spring forward like a sprinter in a race. On a pass, the lineman can't go down-field so they have to stand and your body wants to shift the weight back to stand up quickly. Coach, then, got a more experienced lineman and asked him to demonstrate. The lineman got down and gently set his hand down. Coach swiped, didn't move. Coach shoved, he pushed back. He was perfectly centered and was ready for run block or pass block and the defender couldn't tell which one he was going to execute until the ball was snapped.
The parallels here are phenomenal. How often do we get that arm taken out from under us just as we're about to dive into something head-first and land flat on our face? The next time around, usually being fairly pissed off about the last outcome, we think we compensate adequately (we really over-compensate) and lean back ready to laugh when the defender goes to swipe your arm. He pushes you and you land on your butt as he takes your quarterback's head off. A smart defender, which in this case is really on the offense attacking while you defend the QB or the runner, can read your body and you will, 9 times out of 10, fall by your weakness.
That defensive lineman is life. You can either control it by reacting to what it does while you execute your objectives or you'll be on your back or face-down looking at the grass. People are going to change simply because other people change because other people change because other people changed, as well. The causes of change are, well, they're kind of a black box experiment; we don't know why clear liquid comes out when red liquid goes in, it just does and we can't predict change very well. So that liquid may be red today, and green tomorrow. For the most part, that box is impenetrable. All we can do is balance ourselves the best we can. Diving into relationships and finding your identity in someone else while dating, is dangerous; one swipe and you're face-down again. Turning cold and backing away will land you on your back with one shove at the shoulder. I wish we could all see that it's not others that cause this excessive pain or bitterness; it's ourselves. Losing someone that means the world to you is painful and will almost always require some time to pick up the pieces. But bitterness and torment depends on us. You may have been dating someone for a year but you're still you, and if properly balanced, you'll find a way to adapt: Whether the QB audibles for a run or a pass, you won't have to shift your weight, you'll just be ready for either one. So if she's gonna dump you, it's gonna be tough, but you can stand in one place and hold your ground. But if she's gonna commit and you are, as well, then you're ready to plunge forward with harnessed and directed power and control. It's like a damping constant in a bouncing spring equation, it's gonna bounce but if you can find that balance to allow for enough movement but not completely stop, then you'll be set. This allows for ups and downs that are not so dramatic i.e. "He's the best guy ever!" to "I'm buying a million cats. I hate guys." It's always a game of adjustments. The aforementioned song says "there is nothing to embrace change." I disagree... to an extent. While there is no antidote for change, there does exist humility and willingness to change and adapt; an amazingly powerfull skill humans have but do not realize ("Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl gives a powerful account of human adaptation to change).
So how about, instead of being pissed at people that change and let us down while we play the "I'll never trust again" card, we just hope for the best in everyone and realize that people change and that we don't know their circumstances, either. We can be mad at a friend who let us down or a significant other who betrayed us, but those are individual, personal cases, and we can't claim to know their circumstances, no matter how well we know them personally. Maybe they've got anxiety. Maybe something happened that they just have to deal with on their own leaving you to feel like you've been abandoned. Maybe they just don't have the loyalty to stick around. Either way you look at it, just let it be; they've got their own life to deal with. Be willing to get to know other people. That doesn't mean you have to be naive and get taken by others. It simply means that you can stand on your own. You have an identity with or without those people. Constantly working on that perfect stance will not only decrease your own vulnerability, but it will strengthen you to help others, as well, as they face changes in their own life.
"There is only growth or decay." We can jump to the extreme and shelter ourselves only to let opportunities pass us by after a failed lunge forward, or we can be humble, hope for the best in everyone and find meaning in tragedy and disappointment. We all have the ability to stand on our own. When we find that balance of humility and determination, we will be more ready to face the challenges and changes that lie ahead in our lives as well as being ready to seize those opportunities that come our way. No matter what life throws at you, who walks out on you, or what tragedy you have to overcome, there is always a way rise above and adapt. Always.
