The Problem With "Likes"

I come from the transition stage of technology. I remember getting our first usable computer, using dial-up and that weird, unforgettable noise you heard on the phone if someone was using the internet. After that, things got real. MSN-Messenger-real. It was your goal to have as many conversations going at once as possible and then head down to the high school football game and meet up. I had an MSN-Messenger girlfriend here and there, no biggie. I changed my name and sub-name thingy to lyrics from Simple Plan or Saves The Day, whatever. Then came MySpace. Oh, man. MySpace. The place. And who could forget MyYearbook with the battles and challenges? It was all pretty fun. And as a guy, your only aim was to meet girls or impress them through these things or to communicate with them. In fact, the only reason I created a Facebook back in 09 was because I couldn't find a girl, who I had met in one of my college classes, on MySpace. So I gave in, got a Facebook, thought it was gay as could be, but I got to hang out and take that girl out on dates even though it had nothing to do with me finding her on Facebook. Because, like, we actually talked and stuff in our class.

When I got back from my mission, Facebook had apparently exploded and touch screens kinda freaked me out. Since then, I have dated a few girls and I've noticed a pattern and I've seriously been thinking about this whole social media phenomenon and it's connection to dating and social interaction for about a year now.

Firstly; Let's be honest, girls need attention. Some more than others. But it's pretty safe to say that girls have an innate desire to feel wanted or appreciated or praised. I think guys do, as well, but girls seem to crave it more than guys, and that's a good thing. I believe it's necessary for a well balanced and dynamic relationship.

Now think about your newsfeed on Facebook. Think about those girls that post the most irrelevant quote with some stupid selfie that racks up nearly 200 likes in a couple hours. To me, that's insane. The most "Likes" I've ever gotten was from a random "relatable" picture I shared about playing outside as a child, I think it was like 80-something likes. Even the best songs that I've recorded have only gotten maybe 40 likes and that's because I tagged my mom in it and her friends thought it was "just so cute."

I'll admit it. I've done the "Hey, you don't know me, but we should hang out" spill. I think everyone has been on at least one end of this situation. And honestly, it doesn't really work. Has it worked a time or two? Yeah. Has anything ever really come of it. Nope.

It seems to me that meeting new people is becoming harder and harder. I know my brothers and sisters, back in the day, just went to "hang out" places and met people all the time. In my day, like high school, we went to dances or other social events and met people. And now? Well, we sure do check our Instagram and Facebook and (do people really use Twitter? Or is it just something the media wants me to believe?) countless times a day. We take the time to let EVERYONE know how our trip to Walmart was. The times that I have been asked to take a picture for someone (both guys and girls) to put on their SnapChat story makes me sick. But I think I've figured it all out. I figured out what's really happened.

Social media killed dating. 

It's dead and buried. And you can thank your lucky "likes" for putting the nail in the coffin. You see, as I mentioned earlier, girls need attention. And they seek most of that attention from guys. And most girls, if you ask them, what they really want is that attention from just one guy. They want a lasting, enduring relationship. And guys, well, we're still chasing. We always will.
If you've ever been around kids, either you or their parents will tell them to wait to eat snacks until after a meal. I've got 20-something nieces and nephews, and I've seen what happens when they get away with eating snacks or candy before dinner. They're hungry but they just can't wait and the only thing at their disposal is finger food. So they get to dinner and they don't eat. They're not hungry anymore, even though all they could think about was eating dinner, they filled up on less substantial food.

Attention works the same way. I think most of us, if not all of us, want something meaningful that fulfills that desire for attention. The problem is that the girl you just messaged or met at school or a dance, who has nearly 250 likes on her profile pic, will post about finding "that guy" a million times before she will ever pony up and spend time with you (even if she is interested in you), or with any of the guys who feed her her daily dose of likes, because she has all the attention she needs She doesn't know it, but she lives on your Likes and she doesn't need your or any one guy's attention; her selfie fills that for her and it's free attention. She doesn't have to work for it, she doesn't have to give any of her attention back. There's no stress involved. Turning you down, or standing you up is a consequence of her infatuation with cyber attention and cyber ego. It gives her an ego rush like you wouldn't believe just by turning you down, or ignoring you, because, subconsciously, she thinks that she has all of those "likers" at her disposal but she has lost interest in taking a risk and spending time with someone. She loves those hopeless-romantic memes and she will post publicly that she wants "that relationship" but she's not willing to trek through the "Hi. What's your name?"-s and the "So what's your favorite [whatever]"-s to get that. It has literally been wired in her brain, because of her instant cyber attention, that "Happily ever after" is as easy as posting a selfie. She may know consciously, that that's not how it works. But her impulses and emotions, controlled by her subconscious, behave in a way that is detrimental to her opening up to anyone in real life.

This may seem harsh but I've spent a lot of time paying attention and watching for patterns and this is real. Girls don't have an interest in dating. Why risk spending an evening on a date with someone you may not connect with or like if you can get your jollies spending your evening on social media and ignoring the ones you don't want to interact with because you don't want that kind of stress and pressure?  It's a lot like pornography, honestly; A synthetic fulfillment of satisfaction. So much so that it depletes your desire to live real life where you will get turned down, where you will have bad dates, where you will have to deal with emotions, drama and disappointment.

Welcome to real life, ladies. You'll have to get off your high horse and go on dates with guys who have the guts to ask you out. You'll also have to be straight up with guys you're not interested in after you spend a little time getting to know them (going through their FB profile does not count). And, seriously, quit hiding behind the "I'm busy, but maybe next time" B.S.

Dating has died because girls expect something that doesn't exist, courtesy of social media. So many girls post claims that they want old-fashioned dating to come back but every one of them would be freaked out if they were directly asked out. It's like they claim to want that old-fashioned thing but they'd rather get to know you through the stuff you post on Facebook first and then maybe hang out, maybe not, and then probably bail on you because spending one-on-one time with someone they don't know is scary.

I'm not here to tell you to say yes to every guy who asks you out, however. What I will tell you is that promises still mean something, commitments still mean something and they will always challenge your character. It's not easy. Getting to know someone is not easy. Following through with a commitment is not easy. Relationships go so much deeper than any picture you see of a couple on your news feed. As a young missionary, all I heard were "cloud nine" stories. What I didn't hear were the horror stories that took place to get to a good story. At first I thought it was all about having those experiences like the ones you hear at homecomings. I soon learned to hate telling stories and swore off telling "success stories" because that's not what it's about. It's not about telling someone your "love story." It's about learning and growing and finding someone you can continue to do that with. I went through more bad times on my mission than good times. I know it works the same way for real life. You can't hit a homerun if you don't swing. Dating is high risk, high reward. Take chances; go out with someone you might not normally say yes to. Only then, will you have a story worth telling and once you have it, you won't care to tell anyone about because you'd rather just live it. I promise that it's more fulfilling than the shallow attention you get from your selfie.

Stop living off of likes and start living.